Puns and Riddles

Puns:

What did the Golden Snitch say to Viktor Krum when he had an itch?
Quidd-itching!

How do Dementors freshen their breath?
With Dementos!

If your boyfriend looks like Oliver Wood, he’s probably a Keeper!

Why does Voldemort use Twitter and not Facebook?
Because he has Followers, not Friends!

Why does Snape stand in the middle of the road?
So nobody knows what side he’s on!

I named my lizard “Harry”, just so I can say “You’re a lizard Harry!”.

Riddles:

1) I’m a well-respected character from a very ancient house.
You’ll jump when first you see me, though I wouldn’t hurt a mouse.
If somebody had been a bit more careful when he chopped,
My social life would be improved, just when it should have stopped.
Who am I?
~~~~~~~
2) Judge no book by its cover, it is said amongst the wise
My unappealing outside my true usefulness belies
The swiftest means to reach thy goal lies well-concealed in me
Extend thy hand then, pilgrim, and embrace thy destiny.
~~~~~~~
3) My gleam catches every eye, although I do not shine,
I know you want me, no matter’s the cost, for I’m the best of my kind.
~~~~~~~
Answers:
1) Nearly Headless Nick.
2) A portkey.
3) A Firebolt.

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