Gringotts: Closed Until Further Notice

Word travels fast around Hogwarts, and I don’t doubt that you already know about the goblins’ refusing to take galleons from witches and wizards at the end of last month. But do you know why?

Of course, you don’t! But here at the Quibbler, we’ve uncovered precisely the reason Gringotts is closing their galleons and interest system until further notice. Many a Hogwarts student has deposited their miniature fortune into Gringotts, greedily watching the piles of gold grow higher and higher due to interest. While all seems fine with this, the goblins of Gringotts seem to have a negative response to it!

At first thought, you’d assume that they wouldn’t want to give away their precious gold for your bank account to build up interest. But we realized that due to the… totally selfless nature of many of the goblins, this just couldn’t be! Our expert team of researchers here at the Quibbler decided to do some digging. While the goblins on duty nervously turned us away from the story at first, party member Foxy Jones used his charisma (and threatening muscles) to convince them to let us schedule a meeting with the head goblin Grugnok. We cannot disclose too much about this consultation, but we can tell you that Gringotts’ plan to refuse to store galleons has something to do with their security dragon, Billy!

Billy, a Ukrainian Ironbelly, was born in Ukraine and was raised there for a short period of time before being taken by Gringotts security wizards to guard their bank. (No, this is not the same dragon from 1998; that one has never been seen again after Harry Potter’s famous robbery of the Gringotts.) He never learned to fear the Clankers (magical bells that goblins use to teach discipline to their security dragons), despite the Gringotts dragon tamer’s best efforts. Thus, Billy grew up with a rather audacious personality, constantly giving snide remarks. Giving remarks, you ask? Well, Billy is no ordinary dragon.

You see, he can speak English, having been hit with an unknown spell at a young age. His voice is gruff, an excellent quality for a security dragon. I myself was nearly petrified with fear the first time I heard Billy talk! We suspect the spell that hit Billy was from the Transfiguration branch, for not only can he speak like a human, but his brain is extremely similar to a human brain, as are his ideas. Our expert researching party had a little interview with Billy, and it went like this:

Gray: So, Billy, what’s it like being the Gringotts security dragon?

Billy: Boooring! There aren’t many people who want to steal stuff around here. So I’m just constantly here, stepping aside to let people into their vaults, and I don’t get to do anything violent! I don’t even get paid!

G: …Oh.

[At this point, Cran, Milou, and Foxy, the other members of the party, had backed away.]

G: Well, Billy! What do you have to say about Gringotts’ plan to only accept putting trinkets and supplies in their vaults?

B: It’s great! I came up with it, you know.

G: Oh, really? Can you give me some details about your plan?

B: Well, you see, I’m going on strike until the silly wizards in charge of this place fix it up.

G: And why is that?

B: If I can’t have the gold in this bank, then no one can! Mwahaha!

G: That’s kind of greedy.

B: I’m a dragon. What do you expect? I’m entitled to this sort of thing.

G: Fair enough. Well, we’ve got to go, thanks a bunch for the interview, Billy! I… er, hope some thieves come down here soon!

B: Seeya, writer lady!

So, there you have it! The true reason Gringotts is going to stop storing your money this fall! Billy the security dragon is officially on strike. Is it too much to ask if someone tries to rob the bank for him?

 

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