Confusion broke out at Gringotts the morning of July 11th, leaving many witches and wizards worrying about their stored fortunes. People attempting to make withdrawals from the bank were in a panic, as the goblins refused and would not let them take their money!
Rumor has it that some evil wizard breached the protection spells of what we thought was the safest place in the Wizarding World and attepted to steal from the poor, oblivious wizards and witches. While their name remains unknown, watch out for someone typically poor with lots of money. They could be the culprit!
Now, while it remains only a rumor that Gringotts was robbed by a wizard, we here at the Quibbler have some personal suspicions. First on our list? Hogwarts’ very own headmaster, Felix Black.
Felix recently admitted to having robbed Gringotts earlier during the Christmas season, accumulating a large amount of gold in the process. We even have recorded evidence of the Christmas robbery and speculate that if Felix has robbed the wizarding world’s “safest” bank once, he might do it again.
Unfortunately, the Gringotts guards denied any comment to possibly confirm out theories, and are working hard to keep the public from the scene of the rumored crime. You will not be able to reach your hard-earned money until further notice. It will be locked away in a deep dark cavern, protected, we hope, from thieves!
The Ministry is hard at work so that you can soon be able to view your glorious piles of wealth once again, but for now, here are our top 5 survival tips:
1) Don’t blow all your remaining pocket money on howlers, broomsticks, or as much as we hate to say it, Spectre-specs. Or anything, for that matter.
2) Buy bread, milk, and eggs! They seem to keep muggles calm in snowstorms- surely they’ll help a witch or wizard in a financial crisis!
3) Help Argus Filch clean up the castle. He’ll gladly pay you a few galleons for your service and perhaps you can build up a small fraction of your fortune again!
4) Binge eat. It’ll help you forget all your money troubles! I find that a specific recipe of Nutty Bread especially takes me to food paradise.
5) Start a bonfire and throw sacrifices into it- such as part of your famed butterbeer cork collection- with all your friends! It will surely appease the grand force that will give you your money back eventually.