It’s a question that has plagued both the magical and Muggle communities for decades: How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
People have only been able to speculate in the past, with silly experiments and goofy cartoons that provide guesses with no real merit. The Quibbler has good news for you, readers! With an exclusive interview with an anonymous Hogwarts student, we have the long-searched-for answer to this question!
But first, a bit of a background story. Our source, who prefers to remain anonymous, is a Muggle-born. They grew up wondering what the answer to this question was, and certainly trying to figure it out for themselves. Imagine their surprise upon discovering that this mystery not only enchanted the Muggle world, but had permeated the Wizarding world as well! This sixth year student decided to take matters into their own hands after arriving at Hogwarts. Here is the account, in their own words.
Raven (R): So how did you answer this age-old question?
Student (S): It’s quite funny, actually. I charmed my owl to figure it out for me.
R: Like in the Muggle TV commercial?
S: EXACTLY! I love that commercial! It makes me laugh every time.
R: Me too! Can you tell me why you chose this method rather than something else?
S: Well, as you know, I’m a Muggle-born. I watched that commercial all the time growing up, and it always made me curious. So, when I found a charm in a textbook that could compel animals to perform certain tasks, I jumped on the chance. I chose my owl because it was an ironic twist on the commercial, see.
R: Of course. Aren’t you worried about potential animal abuse complaints?
S: No. Before I performed the charm on my owl, I cast a different one that allowed me to speak with her. I asked if it was all right, and she was ecstatic for the chance to eat some Muggle sweets!
R: That’s awesome! I’m glad you had your owl’s cooperation in the matter.
R: I’m sure Hagrid would have loved to do it for you as well!
S [laughing]: Probably.
R: Care to divulge what spells you used?
S: Well, the one that allowed me to speak with my owl is of my own making, and I’d rather keep that to myself for now. The other one was . . . sort of found in a book in the Restricted Section of the library . . . and I didn’t have permission to be there at the time, so I’d rather not say.
R: We wouldn’t want you to get into trouble for answering such an important question! We will most definitely protect your privacy in this matter.
S: Thank you. I appreciate that.
R: I think it’s time we get down to it. Are you ready to give us the answer we’ve been searching for?
S: Let’s do it!
R: How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
S: . . .