It’s been quite a while, eh, readers? The Quibbler’s publication schedule has undeniably come to a grinding halt, but not to worry! We’re back full swing, which means more amazing articles for you to read, and more regularly, too!
In addition to our plans and promises to make a glorious comeback, we here at the Quibbler are going to quench your obvious thirst to know what exactly happened to bring our magazine to the brink of inactivity. You see . . . it’s all Thistle’s fault.
As much as we love our head editor, she’s entirely to blame for your lack of articles to read, dear readers! Thistle von Hemlock, who chooses to go by the last name Quibbler (I’ll tell you all about her dramatic family history later), has been so busy going undercover at a Muggle university that she forgot to pay our bills.
Thistle was so desperate to understand Muggles that she enrolled as a student at the University of London. She decided to study for a degree in grapefruit; a lovely and very useful field of education to my understanding. It must have been an exceptionally fascinating subject to study because Thistle didn’t respond to any owls sent by the Quibbler staff for a whole four months, five days, and three hours before remembering that we even existed!
By the time Thistle mailed us a written apology for forgetting to pay the Quibbler’s bills, the Ministry of Magic had already shut off all of our printing presses one by one. The remaining Quibbler writers had to resort to raising money from various bake sales, all providing safe, definitely legal baked goods for completely reasonable prices. Thistle couldn’t help us out much either in the realm of financing (those stereotypes about Muggle college students being broke? They’re true). In fact, we’ve only just raised enough galleons to appease the Ministry’s wrath!
But enough about our previous financial troubles. I’m sure you want to hear all about our head editor’s family’s rocky past! You see, when Thistle was still in her Hogwarts days, the head of her family was tried and convicted by the Ministry for inexplicable reasons. It is still unknown what the head von Hemlock was charged with, but rumors have been circulating that she broke into Minister for Magic Taz Riddle’s office and released several jarveys (oversized ferret-like creatures that speak primarily in insults). Along with them, it’s rumored that she left a few aged phoenixes stolen from another department, all of which were prone to spontaneous combustion and rebirth. In any case, she was sent to Azkaban and has resided there ever since the mysterious incident. The von Hemlock family has had fall-outs ever since, and Thistle typically wishes not to be associated with them. She normally uses the last name Quibbler, because not only are we an excellent magazine, but the staff are just like family to each other.
Speaking of which, even you can join the Quibbler family now that we’re re-vamped and ready to go! You can fill out an application on our site for one of many positions; whichever you pick, you’re definitely welcome to apply!
Anyway, now that Thistle has promised to always be prompt about our bills and payments, the Quibbler is back to stay. Hope to be seeing you soon!