Ministry Testing New Polyjuice Detection Method

Last Tuesday, a (no longer) secret meeting was held in the third room from the right on the second level of the Ministry of Magic. That level, for those of you who aren’t familiar with the Ministry’s layout, houses the offices and meeting rooms for the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, who have recently decided to crack down on illegal impersonations and the crimes that stem from them. Primarily, the cause of these impersonations is the use of a potion mentioned in only the most advanced textbooks. It is a potion that smells so foul, you’d be tempted to apparate twenty miles away just to be rid of the stench. The taste of it is even worse, and the sight isn’t much better. (Not that we perfect angels at the Quibbler know any of this firsthand, of course.) That’s right: it’s polyjuice potion.

In recent years, crime rates have spiked in areas where ingredients and recipes to polyjuice potion are available. They’ve no less than quintupled in number from twenty years ago. What’s worse, the rates are even higher in areas where the potion itself is available for sale! The impact of the potion aren’t merely local, either; they’re spreading to places where important things happen, the most notable of which is the Ministry of Magic itself.

The Ministry has been invaded by drinkers of polyjuice potion before, but never on such a high scale as they are now. It’s suspected that at least four recent Ministry meetings included attendees that shouldn’t have been on the figurative guest list.

But fear not! Their recent meeting concluded with a promise to stop all the impostors running rampant in the wizarding world once and for all! Well, within the Ministry, at least. Starting next time the moon is in its waxing gibbous phase, all Ministry personnel will be required to perform a complicated (but not overly so) ritual as part of their daily routine. Supposedly, it will erase any traces of polyjuice potion in a witch or wizard’s system, thus counteracting its effects. The ritual is still in its alpha testing phases, so there’s no word on whether it’s actually safe or not. But don’t worry! We have reason to believe that everything should be fine, especially for honest Ministry workers who do not have polyjuce potion in their systems. After all, if the potion isn’t detected in one’s body, the ritual shouldn’t do anything at all, let alone something harmful!

While we haven’t gotten any word on what precisely this ritual entails, we have been told that it includes a spell ‘written with three vowels, six consonants, and an ancient symbol no longer in use’. We’ve also heard through the grapevine that it involves the remnants of exactly two and a half jasmine flowers and a bottle exactly three-eighths full of the same kind of water used in the anti-magic protective waterfall at Gringotts bank. Like we said, complicated; we’re not entirely sure why this whole process couldn’t have been simplified to merely the anti-magic protective water component, however, Ministry employees will surely become accustomed to this new part of their lives relatively quickly. How hard can it be?

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